At our class senior party, on my sheet to write on, above my picture, someone drew a cross. That's what people in my high school labeled me as: That Christian Girl. They disregard my comments, nobody wants to hear anything I have to say because it will always be skewed and tinted by my "Christian" lens. Nobody wants to be my friend because they assume I'm just judging them for everything that they do.
That cross draw above my head is something I should be happy with. I should be glad people associate me with Christ, that's my goal, but somehow they managed to make it into such an insult. I try to show God's love to everybody, but they don't want love from a "Christian girl" who can't relate to what they do and whose presence makes them feel guilty. I've tried so hard to be the person God wants me to be, but, I completely failed. Nobody would consider me a close, reliable friend. Nobody trusts me; everyone feels like I'm judging them.
Where did I go wrong? When did that cross become symbolic of all the hate people throw at me?
They're all so convinced that I don't love them for who they are because I am a Christian. When in reality, I do, I love them so much, and all I've ever asked is that they love me for who I am, too. All my Christian self. But I guess that's not how it works. I guess, to them, being a Christian is the exception to accepting people for who they are and loving everyone no matter what and not judging them for the choices they make. I guess that by picking Christ, I really did have to give up everything else.
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